It's Been a Little More Than Three Years

Hi, my name is Maureen and I lost my identical twin sister to self-inficted suicide on March 13, 2009. Since then my life has not been the same. Ever since I got married in 2003, my relationship with Margaret went slowly but surely downhill. I feel that the relationship we shared contributed to her final demise. Growing up we were inseparable. We shared to same bedroom from birth until we reached 8th grade. Many times we spent sleeping in the same bed or even just the same bedroom after we had our own bedrooms. She always worried about me more that I worried about her (and I should have worried about her more for she was the weaker one.) In the mid to late 1990's she stopped drinking socially and became more and more germaphobic. Every time we went out in public she would quickly whip out her alcohol hand sanitizer and force me to use it on my hands to make sure I wasn't carrying any germs that could contaminate her. She had a huge phobia of vomiting. Nobody could figure out the reason behind this, but we did respect her feelings and didn't tease her or make her feel uneasy if anyone became sick close to her. She had issues, weird ones, but that was her and everyone knew that and accepted it.

When I still lived home we would always sleep in the same bed and usually hold hands or spoon. I know it sounds weird and gay, but for us being twins it seemed normal for us. When she didn't feel good, the only thing that helped her feel safe and better was having me sleep next to her holding her hand.